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A lifestyle blog by Buffy Charlet on The Whole 9

Buffy Charlet grew up on a hippie commune and then fell in love with hip hop. From Teepee to Easy E, there’s really no explaining it. She’s been everything from a hand model to an editor at Hustler Magazine to a bartender. Now she’s just livin’ the dream, between shifts.

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Celeb Bitchfest

February 21, 2010
8 Comments (see all)

I’m not a female Perez Hilton. I don’t read Us, Entertainment Weekly or People. I don’t watch Access Hollywood, ET or TMZ. I’m not saying I never have, but I make it a habit not to because these things make me feel like shit.

“Oh great, so glad to hear that Lindsay Lohan was offered 15 trillion dollars to star in her next movie after being arrested and going to rehab for the 47th time. That makes me really inspired to go to acting class and set aside 3 hours a day to write.”

NO.

I try to stay as far away from celeb gossip as earthly possible while still living in Hollywood. But it’s impossible to live here and not be somewhat inundated. And as much as I try to be zen and remove myself from the absurdity of it all, once and a while a lunatic celebrity pisses me off.

And I really try not to be a hater. I don’t like passing bad mojo around. I really don’t. But sometimes, sometimes it’s just too much for me to take and I have to rant. Because there’s nothing that makes me more fired up than inflated egos.

Right now, Kanye West and Lil Jon have me wanting to crack skulls. As you know, I love me some hip hop. Love, love, love. I love the beats, the culture, the grills. Always have, always will. I’ll be cleaning my dentures while shakin’ my arthritic ass to Tribe and Common.

But, Kanye West. Kanye, Kanye, Kanye…when are you going to get it: you’re a conceited hack of a rip-off artist, and you’re also JUST NOT COOL. It’s one thing to be a hack, but when you’re also a total douche, you really have nothing going for you.

Things that piss me off about Kanye:

1) comparing himself to Michael Jackson. Just don’t even go there, homes.

2) Storming the stage when he lost the MTV Europe VMAs “Best Video of the Year” award. He not only stormed the stage ruined the best moment of another artist’s life, but he then proceeded to rant that he should’ve won because he spent a million dollars on his video. And I quote: “Oh hell no! Oh hell no! If I don’t win, the award show loses credibility.” I’m sorry, shove my dick in a blender and call me petunia: What. The. Motherfuck. And THEN he admits he never even saw the video that won! Wow, Kanye. You’re not even a douche, you’re douche backwash.

3) Yet again storming the stage at the VMAs when Taylor Swift won best female video. Now, this is a tougher one for me because Taylor Swift songs makes me want to rip my finger nails off and eat my own vomit, but Kanye’s dicklitude outweighs my revulsion for Taylor.

4) Degrading women. In Essence Magazine he even called women of mixed race “mutts.” Really, Kanye? Really? WOW.

5) One of the things that I love about hip hop is its urban, post-modern artistry. I believe that hip hop is post-modern because it rejects conventional forms of music (its emphasis on rhythm and not melody, e.g.). Also, I believe that its avant-garde use of sampling clearly defines it as post-modern. BUT, all Kanye can do is sample and coast on the talents of others. Hip hop’s genius is demonstrated when it samples to create something entirely new. But all Kanye does, every single time, is throw a catchy beat to someone else’s talent which I see as a highly exploitive form of plagiarism. He’s an all around punk-ass bitch who’s a disgrace to the hip hop community.

I want to get in a cage fight with Kanye. Lemme tell you a lil sumthin sumthin, this Reno girl would leave Kanye TOW UP. And that’s a fact.

And now, Lil Jon. He’s less of an asshole than Kanye (who isn’t), but still pretty worthless. The other day I’m driving through rush hour (god help me), but I’m trying to get my good vibe on so I’m jammin’ to 105.9 and attempting not to fall into the pre-work K-hole. I’m blasting Pitbull’s “Krazy” (I know, I know, but it’s a guilty pleasure of mine) UNTIL fucking Lil Jon starts yelling, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” Come. The fuck. On. Get out of this perfectly good song!

Lil Jon is a gagillionaire just for shouting “What!” “Yeah!” and “Okay!” Outrageous. Artists pay him millions to be featured yelling “What!” in their songs. I mean, WHAT?! Honestly, I’d recommend not stewing on it too long because I did and now my brains are sprayed all over my walls. MESSY.

His shouts are not only obnoxious, but they completely ruin potentially awesome songs. I just don’t get it. I want to put four tube socks in his mouth and then go spend all of his money. Am I alone in this? Is this just an example of me being too white? I mean, it’s hard enough living in L.A. and pursuing these grand dreams, but when we are faced with hacks who are famous for reasons unbeknownst to me, it just really makes me wonder why I don’t throw in the towel, move to Costa Rica and spend my life sipping rum out of coconuts.

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  1. awaken2sun

    Damn! This makes me wish I knew more about hip hop so that I could post a witty comment!

  2. alex2

    I’d like to post a “witty comment” myself, but I think I’ll follow Buffy’s example and go with a numbered rant:
    1) Kanye has never compared himself to MJ. That King of Pop quote came from a fake story published by a joke news site.

    2) For the MTV Europe VMAs (which everyone suddenly cares about now) he said he was joking around, which is plainly obvious to anyone who’s watched the thing via YouTube or whatever. Guess some things just go over people’s heads, though the hysterical audience seemed to get it.

    3) I won’t defend the MTV VMAs thing because plain and simple, it was a dick move on his part. That is assuming of course it was real and not staged by MTV, but that’s another story. You what bugs me though? There was more outcry for what West did than there was about Chris beating up Rihanna. I dunno know maybe because it didn’t happen on live television. Maybe because West is a black rapper and Taylor is a sweet white girl who plays “country music”. Who knows?

    4) He was explaining how other people use the word mutts. And its funny how you list Common when he’s said some pretty degrading things about women over the course of his career. Listen to anything from “Heidi hoe” to his guest verse on “Make Her Say”. And don’t even get me started over his homophobia.

    5) Tee hee, “urban”. Anyway I won’t even touch the sampling thing if only its so goshdarn subjective. You know, people who like him think he’s a musical genius, whereas people who hate his guts, such as yourself, think he’s a rip-off artist. For the record, Kanye does waaaaaaaaaay more than just adding a catchy beat. If you haven’t already, I’d suggest listening to Late Regstration. Alright I guess I did touch it.

    I don’t give a rat’s ass about Lil Jon so do as you please. :P

  3. hiphophippie

    alex2: 1) I did watch the European VMAs, which I do care about and it didn’t look like a joke to me or to the audience. 2) Of course Chris Brown is a disgusting asshole. That goes without saying. And I think I made it clear my viewpoint on Taylor Swift. 3) As for everything else, of course it’s subjective. A blog is obviously someone’s opinion.

  4. alex2

    1) Uh huh, seemed like the audience couldn’t get enough of it to me (the applause, the laughing and whatnot) but perhaps my eyes deceive me.
    2) I wasn’t criticizing you for not touching on Chris Brown. I was speaking generally.
    3) Oh so we’re in agreement kindasorta. Sweet.

  5. rosendo

    It seems the more awards they (the music industry) hand out to undeserving talent the more infantile they become.

    Love the music; hate the hoopla~

    peace~

    R~

  6. hiphophippie

    Rosendo: EXACTLY! Well said.

  7. mikehayward

    Bad mojo.

  8. true

    though one can never be absolutely sure on “proper” usage of ghetto vernacular, i suspect that it would be more correct to put an apostrophe after the “o,” rather than a “w,” in the word “tore,” i.e. you “would leave Kanye TO’ UP.” (“to’ up from the flo’ up” versus “tow up from the flow up” — adding the “w” might cause obfuscation.)

    theoretically, one could also just drop the “r,” i.e. “toe” up, as some people do when altering the word “whore” to “whoe,” rather than the more common “ho.” (the plural of “ho,” should the need arise, i think would more correctly be “hoes,” rather than “ho’s.”)

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