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A lifestyle blog by Buffy Charlet on The Whole 9

Buffy Charlet grew up on a hippie commune and then fell in love with hip hop. From Teepee to Easy E, there’s really no explaining it. She’s been everything from a hand model to an editor at Hustler Magazine to a bartender. Now she’s just livin’ the dream, between shifts.

From Commune to 7-11

Incase you missed my bio (I don’t blame you), I grew up on a hippie commune. When I was six years old my parents moved us into the city. Here’s me in 1985, fresh off the commune.

My hair wasn’t really curly till I hit puberty so I braided it at night to achieve this awesome effect.

There was a chunk of years after we moved to the city that if I had to describe them in one word it would be uncomfortable. I’m an only child so I really had to figure everything out about living in civilization on my own. Picture Encino Man living in my 7 year old body. People, I mean having to wear clothing was new, if that gives you even a glimpse. Not that we were naked all the time on the commune, but clothing was optional and I often opted out. Unless you consider the occasional finger symbals and pink tutu clothing.

My parents ate only the purest foodstuffs imaginable, and thus, so did I. I mean, they were hippies for chrissakes. As a kid, leafy greens, beans and rice were the staple. I didn’t even know any different. But when we moved to civilization there was a smorgasbord of crap that I was hell-bent on ingesting.

Okay, so I’m being baby-sat by the same Mrs. Cuntalot who took me to the circus and laughed at me when I took off all the cotton shit on the cotton candy and then looked at the stick in quandary. (Sorry Mrs. Cuntalot, we didn’t have disgusting, fucking cotton candy on the commune. How am I supposed to know that you’re supposed to eat pink hair?)

(This is an actual photo of Mrs. Cuntalot)

So while she’s baby-sitting me, her and her gremlin, carrot-topped daughter decide we should go to 7-11. FUCKING BONANZA. I never so much as stepped foot in a 7-11 and I was steee-oked. Mrs. Cuntalot, you just might redeem yourself yet…It was hotter than a fat man’s crotch out so they decide we needed Slurpees (you can see this was them making all of the decisions; I was just trying to act like I’ve done this a million times before.)

So Mrs. Cuntalot gets raspberry and it was BLUE. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve eaten raspberries and they’re red, mothafucka. I figure this is my chance to show them that I know a thing or two.

“Mrs. Cuntalot? I don’t know if you should get that flavor. I think it might’ve gone bad because raspberries are actually red.”

I bet you can imagine what happened next. Laughing, pointing, head shaking—snickering from every direction. I don’t remember (because I was in a mortified blackout), but knowing the characters of those two, I’m sure they told everyone in the 7-11 just how fucktarded I was.

“Um, it’s blue raspberry,” she snorted.

Oh duh!!! My bad! Apparently 7-11 has the monopoly on the great, fabled blue raspberry of the Adirondack. Pft.

“Oh.” I quickly tried to save face and figure out what the fuck was going on. Is 7-11 a bunch of liar, liar, pants on fires or have my parents been hiding these delicious blue raspberries from me? Damn hippies!

Then it’s Gremlin’s turn to choose her flavor. Like a little bitch, she decides to mix the blue raspberry with green apple. I was happy to see that once she mixed it up with her scooper straw it became the color of alien vomit.

And so then it was my turn to decide…

To Be Continued (I know, I know, edge of your seats)

  1. Damn funny. I wonder where those carrot-haired gremlins are and if you met, who’d be laughing now?

  2. umm…maybe the edge of my sheets.

  3. I love it…being someone who grew up with so much processed foods and stuff like “pink hair” lol…when I finally started to discover REAL pure foods it was amazing…it really is kind of creepy how so many things actually pass for “food” in this culture…

  4. Tragic yet hilarious! I am on the edge of my seat… more, more!

  5. Hilarious post, but I want to know what happens next!

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