Impetuous Meanderings

I watch a fair amount of television.  Most of the time it’s just mindless background noise, with the occasional deep involvement in fine storytelling, a rarity these days.  Lately I have seen an interesting trend in cable television that has me scratching my head, trying to figure out how in the world these development executives convince themselves on what to air.

Let’s start back in the late 90’s when there was an onslaught of house transformation shows, led by “Trading Spaces”.  A wave of shows followed showing the home viewer how to cheaply and effectively alter their space, creating that “wow” factor missing in so many cookie cutter homes.  These shows blossomed at a time when more people were buying homes, tract housing projects were going up left and right, and the economy was flourishing.  The natural step when those things happen is to invest in real estate.  The surest return on investment.  Or so we thought.  Those shows naturally progressed into programming involving large families.  You know the ones I’m talking about.

Eight kids, 12 kids, and twenty kids here we come.  The trials and tribulations of large families.  A glimpse into the life of these American dreamers living whatever kind of weird dream having a football team means.  These shows fizzled quickly as the parents got swollen heads and the viewers lost interest in yet another pregnancy.  Baby number “who the fuck cares anymore” is here!  Large families at a time when prosperity was available in every drugstore on the corner.  Not so much anymore.  Having a lot of kids now is damned expensive.  Not all that interesting to the common middle class person just trying to pay the mortgage.  So we went from large families to small ones.  The little person wave.

Show after show came on the air following the lives of little people staking their claim in the American landscape.  Interesting, incredibly educational, and more often than not absolutely no different than any other reality show following someone’s life.  But a fascination by the television consuming public fueled the airing of more and more couples, families, specials involving these people.  Why this wave?  I have no societal reason to attach, no trend, other than one successful show led to two, which led to more and more.  And as the trend caught on, it fizzled because of overload.  Sure some of these shows still exist; in fact some of all of these examples still exist.  They are cheap to make.

But here is where the trending confounds me.  Cupcakes?  What the hell?  Every time I change the channel a new cupcake show is on.  Or cake show.  Or chocolate show.  But mostly cupcakes.  I like cupcakes well enough.  And sure, I’m writing this blog so I’ve watched my fair share of cupcake shows, but more to the point….why cupcakes?  Why now?  I’ve tried to reason with myself.  Cupcakes make people happy, and right now there isn’t a whole lot of happiness in the world.  The oil spill, the economy, racism back on the rise, etc. etc.  But cupcakes?  Are cupcakes the answer to our troubles?

Talk amongst yourselves.  I can’t type and eat a cupcake.  Dangerous for the laptop.

I’ve been watching movies for a long time now.  Dating back to the days when friends and family would send us Beta tapes overseas recorded with new releases we wouldn’t be privy to for years to come.  Our little military movie theatre would run movies that had already been out in the States for six months, but we still went to them as though we were a part of the premiere.  We didn’t have “cable”, just one lone station that aired from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. and showed whatever the powers that be deemed family friendly from all the major networks.  A sort of one-stop shop for television shows and movies airing on the tube back stateside.  For as long as I can remember, movies have been a part of the viewing fabric of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if watching all of these movies has skewed my view of the real world.  You know that same argument that is made about violent video games corrupting the minds of our youth?  Creating killers with anger issues and violent tendencies.  The idea that escaping into this false reality and living there, but not coming back out to the real world.  Having a gross misunderstanding of fact versus fiction, life versus fantasy.  And while I don’t think that the highly entertaining “Saw” movies have created a monster inside me, the overall viewing of movies has definitely caused a riff in my own personal living in this world.

Hollywood endings.  You know, the ones where the girl gets the guy, the hero saves the day, the town is rebuilt after the flood, the monster is relegated back to hell, dreams become reality, and so on.  And even though scholars study periods in film making as a reference to what society was like, very few movies actually comment on what life is like from beginning to end.  For good reason, yes, movies don’t sell so well if they end on a bad note, or a sad note, or unhappiness remains.

But life isn’t a Hollywood ending.  The world we live in doesn’t always have the perfect ending, all wrapped up nice and tidy at the end of the day.  I know, pessimistic me is coming out full force right now.  But as much as I want the orchestra to swell in my head so I know something exciting is about to happen, as much as I want the girl to knock on my door and tell me that she loves me no matter what, as much as I want the dead and gone to visit me with a smile and tell me how to move on, as much as I want each day to end with a slowly rolling stream of credits that thank and congratulate all those that have graced me with their presence, it just doesn’t work that way.

In 1977, my parent’s made the decision to put me into soccer camp.  At the ripe ole age of 4, I began what ended up being a 14-year soccer career over two continents.  They had no idea at the time how passionate I would become about the sport and how much the game would teach me about camaraderie, sportsmanship, competition, humility in defeat, and humbleness in victory.  Although my “career” ended many years ago, to this day, the sport of soccer holds a dear place in my heart.  And every four years, the sport takes center stage in the world and raises the hopes and dreams of nations all over.

I recently heard that soccer is anti-American.  It holds no place in our sports culture.  There is a great boredom and lack of excitement in the game and it can never compete with our national pastimes.  Our professional league, Major League Soccer, struggles with revenue and television time, struggles with ingratiating itself into our sports obsessed culture.  As I sat with family watching the USA’s opening game, I heard more than once, “what is the point of this game?”

In my opinion, there is no clearer indication of the superiority complex our country holds when it comes to other country’s national sports.  Soccer being the most prominent in the world.  Yes, the WORLD.  And yet, here in the U.S., we joke and brush to the side the passionate involvement in the sport by other countries.  It’s astounding to me how insular we are as a country when we belittle and dismiss something so important to 75% of everyone else on this planet.

Our country is being represented right now by a group of passionate, dedicated men who are wearing our colors with pride in hopes of achieving glory on a large worldwide stage.  And yet, 3 out of 4 things I read or see are filled with disassociated comments and ideas about how unimportant this sport and event is.   It’s worth stating again, soccer is the most popular sport in the world.  And we have a team that qualified to participate in the most popular sports greatest tournament.  Quit bitching and bemoaning, and get to cheering.

Sports and politics shouldn’t mix.  We have historical evidence of brutality and death to remind us of this.  But in this event, we have an opportunity to rally with the world and step down off of our soapbox of “democracy” and take interest in what the rest of the world deems as very important to their culture.  We live in a great country, but sometimes this “greatness” clouds over our ability to see that we aren’t the only ones on this planet.

I got the fever.  The World Cup Fever.  You don’t have to like the sport or even want to play the sport.  But at the very least, we can support our team as they compete in what is arguably the most watched sporting tournament in the world.

I didn’t think it was possible to spend 10 hours of my life sitting around ANYWHERE to get something accomplished.  Granted, I understand that governmental agencies are designed to waste time and accomplish very little, but three trips and 10 hours later, I finally have my car registered and license plates to prove it.

I knew going in that even though I researched the process on-line, there was going to be hitches and loops and apparently hoops to jump through to simply transfer my title.  But I didn’t realize what a colossal waste of time and lack of any real motivation for efficiency would take precedence over just getting it done.

It occurred to me very quickly, that our governmental agencies are so entrenched in processes that are outdated and aged, well beyond their years of being useful.  The processes, paperwork, lines, workers, are all blasts from a bygone era when truth be told, there just weren’t that many people lining up to take care of DMV business.  The population has exploded, families now have an average of 2 cars per household and as we continue to grow, the governmental agency, which oversees our “transportation” needs, has remained as slow and disorganized as it has always been.

I recently received my monthly Union newsletter, only to read that they are projecting a 1.9 million deficit in the coming year.  And it occurred to me, a large part of that deficit is the ridiculous, antiquated newsletter they still put in the MAIL.  It’s filled with so little real information, and what information it does contain is geared towards only a handful of people.  Get with the times my unnamed UNION and stop spending unnecessary money on mailings when you could just as easily send an e-mail blast with important information for my region, not generic ramblings by an overpaid staff.

It doesn’t take a doctorate to understand efficiency, cost control, management.  All it takes is someone to speak up and change the status quo.  Of the 30 “windows” available for processing people at the DMV, only 15 of them were open.  Of those 15, it seemed as though after 3 or 4 people were taken care of, time for a break.  A break?  What could you have possibly accomplished that exhausted you so much you needed to step away for 10 minutes to rejuvenate yourself?

Look, money is tight all around.  And talk of deficits and furlough days and cuts headlines any news you may read.  But in a matter of days, it was clear to me that money is being wasted left and right simply because of inefficiency.  Give me one week at the DMV and one week at the “union” and I guarantee you that things would change.  It’s not rocket science, hell it isn’t even just science, it’s common sense.  Which seems to be a phrase no longer used.

“Why are all women so crazy?”  “Why do all men suck?”  Two questions I am sure we have all heard and/or asked at some point in our lives.  I can’t speak to the first, as I still am not convinced there is a good enough answer.  As to the second, it’s something I have pondered, waxed politely about, and given comfort to those in need of some answer that will calm the pain caused in needing to ask such a question.

Both questions are dangerous to talk about.  They both pose serious risks in alienating and seemingly make ease of creating rash generalizations.  But because young and old alike ask them, I figured I would jot down my two cents worth.  I’ll stick with the second question, as to avoid a massive revolt and decrease my chances of being an outcast.

I have more often recently, for some strange cosmic reason, been asked to represent my gender in relation to our overall “suckiness”.  This line of questioning comes from a place of pain, or hurt, or general confusion as to the thought process we “men” have and why we choose to behave in a seemingly universal and consistent way.  Of course, I can’t really speak for us all, but I can offer a theory.

There are three types of males.  Boys.  Guys.  And Men.

Boys are young by definition, immature, with very few years of experience wandering on their own making decisions.  They are young men in training.  Observing, absorbing, regurgitating without pretense or thought as to why they are behaving the way they are.  Surrounded by “guys” and “men”, boys become conditioned based on their exposure to healthy, happy, giving, caring relationships, with both genders.  These “boys” are often left behind as years go by and they grow into another type.  Sometimes they don’t grow up and just stay this way.  Boys.  Silly.  Simple.

Guys are just that, single-syllable, one-track minded, cock-thinking persons whose life is led by the conditioning of biological impulses and needs.  The need to conquer, to spread the proverbial seed, to lay the groundwork for dominance and superiority.  You know these guys.  You’ve met them, dated them, been friends with them.  They aren’t horrible people, they are just lacking in any sort of real emotionality or sentimental grounding.  Women want guys, they want guys who they feel will protect them, take care of them, stand up for them.  But they also want men.

Men are those long sought after beings that represent all of the innocence of being a boy, the strength of a guy, and the sensitivity of being a man.  Men are grown-up boys, who took those years of learning and realized that by being polite, being sensitive, well-spoken, thoughtful, caring, giving, trusting, all of those qualities often associated with women, are traits most desirable.  Men are what women truly want.  The best of all world’s.

So enjoy the boys, power through the guys, and somewhere out there, you’ll meet a man.  And by then, you’ll be ready, because then you’ll no longer need the answer to the question.