For a long time now I’ve seen the Crayola-esque labels of House Wine resting quaintly on the wine shop shelves, and for a long time now I’ve been interested in taking it for a spin. It’s the simplicity of the classic 3rd grade drawing-level house on the label that appeals to me, and I think the name is clever. House wine. Get it? Of course you do. In addition, I am a sucker for blends. Blend it and bring it, is what I say. So, the House Wine from The Magnificent Wine Co. of Washington State, with its 6 red grapes, its charming, elementary design, and its $13.99 price tag, made the cut as my Saturday evening vino.

If I had been tasting blind, I would have guessed this wine to be a Merlot, but House Wine is primarily Cabernet Sauvignon (73%), though it does offer doses of both Merlot (10%) and Syrah (8%) as well as bits of Sangiovese, Malbec, and Cab Franc tossed in—all sourced from Columbia Valley, WA. Surprisingly rusted in my glass with a very ripe and slightly chemically nose like rotting fruit, at first I feared it might be oxidized. I soon realized, disappointedly, that it simply is just not that great.

It is, however, exactly what it promises to be: a house wine. It’s a fair table wine with moderate alcohol and a pleasing if unremarkable palate full of soft raspberries and vanilla. It’s the slightly dimwitted yet attractive girl in your local 4-H Club (is that reference too Sonoma? Your local Chess Club, then…) who is often staring out into space, forgetting her own phone number, or trying to punch holes with a hole-puncher in one of the cascading waves of strawberry blond hair rolling past her cheekbone. Although she doesn’t bring a whole lot to the table, she is entirely inoffensive, and her simplicity is in fact endearing and somehow interesting. She might not knock you dead with her sharp wit and intellectual banter, but she will laugh happily at all your jokes. What more can you ask for from a girl who still draws with crayons?

Cheers.