In the last week, I have:
Been in the Mojave Desert–90º during the day, 40ºsomething during the night. Sleeping outside under the stars. Fasting some. Seeing things–”there” and “not”. Met some really nice folks at a Drum Circle. Saw Falling Stars, Satellites and even the International Space Station. Roadtripped over 3 Mountain Ranges and three Valleys. No computer or cell phone for 3 days. Ate the best damn chile relleno on the Planet in Lone Pine – cooked by Oaxacan woman who has been cooking at the restaurant for 30 years.
Returned to Suburbia. To TV and Lean Cuisines. Spent time in the City. Trains & Busses. And walking. Seeing a Friend from Iowa, here visiting her Son, the aspiring actor. Righteous Lebanese food in Long Beach.
Traveled 2500 miles to land in NYC. Drove through rush hour traffic to a meeting at a Mental Hospital on Staten Island. Am now on City Island in the Bronx, which is actually more like New England than NYC. It is 41º and damp. Right now, the siren is sounding to alert drivers that the draw bridge is opening. It is beginning to snow.
In spite of the difficulty of returning to the States and 5 months of searching for work & gallery exposure (by counting my e-mails, I applied for over 90 jobs), Life keeps unfolding. I am in the Bronx for a protracted job interview. You know the old saying: “One door closes, another opens”. More like: “One door is stuck shut and no amount of pulling or prying is going to get it open” To quote Bullwinkle: “I gotta get me another hat”.
And, again, realizing that I have Friends. People who care about me and are willing to support me in my Life: I am a lucky bug.
Some words of others’:
To carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion. That myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening.
To study the Buddha way is to study the Self. To study the Self is to forget the Self. To forget the Self is to be actualized by myriad things. When actualized by myriad things, your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away. No trace of realization remains, and this no-trace continues endlessly. Eihei Dogen, Genjokoan, 1233
We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind. Mind is your only ruler, sovereign. The man who is not able to develop and use his mind is bound to be the slave of the other man who uses his mind…. Marcus Garvey, 1937
Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller
I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday. Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey), American Beauty, 1999
