The airlines are in trouble, and I think I can help.
Recently, the airline industry changed its luggage policy and downsized how much each passenger can check in and carry on board before being charged extra. Essentially, it all boils down to a matter of weight. There is even talk of reducing the amount of fuel by loading just enough to get to a destination plus an additional top-off for an extra 45 minutes. Fuel for a flight runs into thousands and thousands of dollars, so this would absolutely make a difference.
But how about implementing a new method for pricing passenger fares?
Does it make sense that a ticket for a ten-year old who weighs seventy pounds is the same price as that for an adult male who tips the scales at two-hundred and eighty pounds? A plane filled with Cub Scouts would burn much less fuel than one loaded with Cleveland Browns, so selling tickets based on just the occupied seat and not weight seems cockeyed. A person’s size doesn’t affect a company’s profit in a movie theatre or a museum, but airplanes are a completely different matter, and it’s illogical to treat it otherwise.
So much in our lives is based on weight and measurement, so why not airline tickets? Most groceries are priced by measuring items out by weight, volume, or amount; one dozen eggs, eight fluid ounces, two pounds.
And travel attire would change. Passengers would opt to go for lightweight clothes, and might even wear only bikinis and bathing trunks as long as the airliners’ cabins were kept warm. Many travelers would treat the departure date as a wrestling or boxing weigh-in. They’d train the week prior to their flight, and probably cut back on food and water intake the last forty-eight hours. We might even see passengers running laps at the airport to make a travel weight-class.
Wouldn’t this lead to a healthier America, or at least for those who can still afford to fly? And with costs rising for everything, especially groceries, eating less would fit nicely into this new economy.
Do I sound preposterous? Maybe I am going a bit too far, but I need to write a few light blogs, you know, get the laughter flowing, or at least coax a smile out of readers. I can’t always be serious. I mean, what do you expect me to say? That we need to begin charging for gas according to the size vehicle someone drives? (Aww…did I say that?)
Let me know your ideas about how we can cope with this rapidly changing economy.
