The coolest thing in this bar is that you find people with the best “bar names.” There is always a “Shaky Bill,” an “Off-the-Wall Paul,” a “Toad,” and of course, “Tawdry Audrey” and “Shelly Kelly.” Then there is “Three Finger Sam,” “Sad Sam,” and See Ya Later Sam.”

I’ve used the entire crew in short stories but more important, I know all of them well enough to call them by their bar names. Shelly Kelly eats like there’s no tomorrow and when asked where she puts it all, tells the questioner that she has a hollow soul. Tawdry Audrey has her head on a swivel because there isn’t a guy within a hundred miles who isn’t looking to put a bad hurt on her for scamming him out of whatever she could take him for. Off-the-wall Paul is wanted in 6 states. He doesn’t remember what he did or where he did it but he shits confetti anytime he sees a car with a dome light.

Lollipops and unicorns

# 6 x-mas lights up all year round is perfect

* Sitting upon the furthest stool from the light is a guy of indeterminate age who is called “Yo!” He drinks shots and beers without ever uttering a word. When he needs service, he tips his head a few degrees north and the bartender refills his glasses. He wears a Baseball cap from a long-past era and a loose-fitting sweat shirt with raggedy sleeves. Don’t ask him the time. Those would most likely be your last words.

* There’s always a lady whose best days are far behind her but whom everybody loves and respects. She hasn’t paid for a drink since before prohibition.

* Three guys fresh from slinging cargo on the docks sit together and speak in a language that probably even they don’t understand but they are friendly to everyone and buy drinks for anyone who says “Hi!” to them.

Then there’s two guys or a guy and a gal at the booth in the back talking theater, politics and the decline of Western civilization. One of them is me.

Lollipops and uncorns.